June 11, 2006

Self esteem-Why is it so important?

Go and stand in front of a mirror. What kind of image do you see? Do you see yourself as a confident, healthy, pleasing person? Do you love yourself? Do you accept yourself fully with all your plus and minus points? Are you happy with your self image? If you are not, it means you do not have adequate self-esteem (self-respect).

Besides good health and other basic needs of life, self-esteem is a requisite to keep you happy. Self-esteem is also important for maintaining good mental health. It is one of the major ingredients in the formula for success.

When self-esteem is very low, it is difficult for you to achieve success. This is because you waste a lot of time worrying about what people think of you, worrying about your real or imaginary weaknesses, the mistakes committed in the past and what future has in store for you. The time wasted in worrying could have been better utilized on studies or on equipping yourself with more information and training, to do better in sports, debates, singing, swimming or whatever work you have on hand. When your self-esteem is poor you will not be able to even communicate with your fellow beings.

You may be good-looking, born with a silver spoon in your mouth, talented and possess variety of skills. But, if you don’t value yourself, it will be reflected in your behavior and in turn others will also underestimate you. It’s not their fault really. How can you expect others to value yourself, when you yourself don’t? Your other counterparts may not be as talented or as skillful as you are. But they will definitely score over you if they have a better self-image compared to you.

The moment you develop a better self image, you will be surprised to note the changes. If you are a student, your academic performance & performance in extracurricular activities will improve. If you are employed, you will perform much better in your job and rise high on the corporate ladder.

A person, who has the treasure of self-esteem, moves ahead. In addition, he/she can easily adjust to all kinds of people and situations, can relax, trust, help and appreciate others easily.
So go and hunt for that treasure of self-esteem. It is within you only.
More on self-esteem-to be posted shortly
See also: Cultivate inner beauty with better mental health / Laughter, the best medicine / Inner Beauty / Sense of humor-tips to regain it

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  1. very interesting tips. thanks

  2. Anonymous9:23 AM

    Ewcellent post.You have analysed it nicely.Keep on writing on personal grooming .

  3. Anant7:54 PM

    I think we often forget to be good to ourselves. Thanks for the reminder Aparna.

  4. Abhijit12:18 PM

    Start hanging with people that life up your self-esteem, you know they compliment you on stuff like "Wow, you look pretty today." or "Hey, I love that shirt your wearing, where did you get it?". If not that, start looking at yourself in the mirror, saying "I am beautiful, I am worthy."

  5. Anonymous10:25 AM

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
    Eleanor Roosevelt

  6. Anonymous4:16 PM

    Nothing is as important then believing in yourself. It’s also important to say what is on your mind and let your feeling be known. Put it is a good way to motivate yourself and others around you. Remember always be yourself. I like what is said on this site, its good for everybody

  7. Anonymous10:40 AM

    Self esteem deficit contributes to mental health problems. If you know you are worthy you behave accordingly . Low self esteem: Makes you think you are undeserving, inappropriate, and lack of confidence.Makes negative choices , set wrong goals. Lack of happiness.All this leads to develop destructive behaviors. You put yourself down, underestimate your qualities and abilities. This leads to a complete loss of faith in yourself and life. It can also be a symptom of unresolved emotional problems or a mental health disorders.

  8. Having strong self-esteem is also a very big part of growing up. As you get older and face tough decisions — especially under peer pressure — the more self-esteem you have, the better. It's important to know you're worth a lot.

  9. Achala10:52 AM

    Stop feeling insecure and embarrassed about yourself! Instead, learn how to be more confident, improve your self-esteem and overcome shyness.

  10. Ashok9:49 AM

    Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others — and how much we value, love, and accept ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one will like them or accept them or that they can't do well in anything.

  11. Anonymous9:36 AM

    It is incredibly important to have a lot of self-confidence. Not arrogance. But just to be comfortable with yourself and know that you are “good enough”, and that you matter in this world. I increased my self-confidence a lot with the help of bodybuilding, I know that I’m doing something to improve my body (I was a skinny guy so I decided to gain muscle) and I can see results in the mirror. Seeing how I changed my body for the better and imagining how much better I will look in the future is huge for me. I can guarantee that it would be great for you too!

  12. Harrshada6:33 PM

    Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. A person who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more.

  13. Leela9:51 AM

    Give yourself a makeover. Knowing that you look good will make you feel good and this will increase confidence.Dump the past.

  14. Naresh10:12 AM

    Drop self-deprecation. If you repeatedly put yourself down it will knock confidence right out of you. Criticizing your looks, your body shape, your hair, your abilities and your personality is harmful. If you do this everyday, confidence will be non-existent

  15. I quite agree to the point that unless we allow, no body can make us feel inferior. We become what we think of ourselves.

  16. ITA with everything you said. I think we say negative things to ourselves that we would not dare say to someone else. It definitely eats away at our self-esteem.

  17. Vinit6:49 PM

    Great stuff, thanx for the article

  18. Shridevi6:50 PM

    very helpful thanks a lot

  19. Anonymous7:14 PM

    Opinions, opinions! Everybody’s got them. What other people think of you, however, is really none of your business and should have no bearing on your self-esteem or the decisions you make in your life. You’ve got one life, a finite amount of time on this planet, so use your time and your mind space wisely. Any moment spent thinking about what others might or might not think of you is a moment wasted.

  20. unknown9:44 AM

    You’ll make an inventory of the skills you’re most proud of. You’ll gain a touch of experience speaking in a stressful setting. (Hidden bonus!) You’ll identify a job you really want: one that matches those skills you love.

  21. Trivikram9:55 AM

    Visualization is a powerful technique for centering ourselves, focusing, and relaxing. But like with anything else, understanding the method is key to improving.

  22. unknown4:59 PM

    As for the confidence..
    1. Like yourself
    The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this
    2. Motivate yourself
    Motivate yourself each day and soon you will find your confidence level growing. Another good way for motivation is that after work or study each day you should make a list of at least four things that you did well for that day.
    3. Overcome fears
    Some people always have a fear that they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will be a disadvantage and would cause you to lack confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life. So in order for you to get rid of this fear you have to remind yourself that if you haven't try something you can never say that you will fail in it. Be positive and try things without any fear or insecurity.
    4. Accept Failures
    If you are always crying over the mistakes that you made in your life, you will never get anywhere. Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed and whats done is done. Thus it is no use crying over spilled milk. A confident individual always looks past those failures in his life. After all, failures are juts part and parcel of becoming successful.
    And, most important.. SMILE.
    I once read that "there is no beauty if there is no smile"

  23. Govind9:25 AM

    Self criticism is never helpful in any situation!

  24. Suresh9:11 AM

    Yes, confidence is so important!

  25. Kumud9:02 AM

    this is so true....you really must love yourself (or make peace with it) and your body to be truly happy.

  26. Suvidha9:06 AM

    How beautiful Aparna.....and so very positive and affirming . Thank you my dear....thank you.

  27. Vinoda9:15 AM

    I'm so vain, I'll probably think this post is about me!

  28. Namita9:17 AM

    LOVE this post! I used to have a lot of issues with self-confidence,self esteem. Confidence and self-love are two of the most beautiful accessories that you should wear every day.

  29. Anonymous9:17 AM

    Why do you still have such low self esteem? Because you still care too much about what other people think - or more accurately, about what you think other people think. Because you are relying on other people's approval to supply your own approval of yourself. Because happiness doesn't come with superficial changes like weightloss and you were expecting it to. I highly doubt that boys are turned off by your appearance. What I do think is that they're turned off by your attitude. Even if they can't put their finger on exactly what it is, people instinctively want to avoid that much constant negativity, because it's contagious. Ever had someone else's bad mood ruin your day? But a positive attitude is also just as contagious, and that is what people are attracted to. Change the way you are talking to yourself. Stop putting yourself down and calling yourself names. Even if you can't right away start saying good things and believe them, at least stop saying bad things. You'll be amazed at how quickly that can change the vibe you put out to others.

  30. Anonymous9:47 AM

    My view is that everything in life is a gift, including that which seems horrible, awful, and incomprehensible. The only key factor is the individual – are you, meaning the individual, willing and able to view everything that you experience as a gift? This certainly does not mean that everything is enjoyable, or that pain or suffering should be endorsed or allowed, but it does mean that in each moment, you have a choice. A Course in Miracles states that every moment is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. Another way to say this same thing is “in every moment, you can make a choice between seeing life as a gift or a curse.”

  31. unknown9:56 AM

    A lack of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, comes from the ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. that say you are not quite enough the way you are, that something is lacking. Perhaps you think your body is not thin enough, strong, enough, or healthy enough. Maybe you think you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not loving enough. Maybe you think you are too selfish, or too giving. No matter what your particular story line, no matter what your particular perspective, you think and believe that something is wrong with you, that you are somehow flawed and lacking in some way.

  32. Anonymous3:04 PM

    To boost your self esteem, just go do something! I'd suggest volunteering somewhere, but if nothing like that interests you, go to the gym or run. Physical activity increases the release of endorphins which boos your mood. Plus when you're fit and trim you're guaranteed to feel better about yourself.

  33. Anonymous10:02 AM

    Do things that make you feel good!- i like to play around with makeup or do long bike rides.
    learn to love your body-spend time nude.
    think about all the best things about yourself.- your smarts,how cute your nose is, how well you sing, how nice your eyes are,ect.

    and if all else fails- FAKE IT!

  34. Ravishankar10:20 AM

    Self-doubt is the lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought, etc.

  35. Avika9:08 AM

    Self esteem will also help you at work. Your confidence and positive attitude will enable you to look and feel your best. You will have no trouble presenting yourself in a favourable light because you will be full of self respect and comfortable with who you are.

  36. Raveesh9:17 AM

    Value yourself, your ability and your contribution in the world because you are unique. Do you understand this? You cannot value and respect others unless you first value and respect yourself.

  37. Malaviya9:20 AM

    the more you do something for yourself the better you feel about yourself. So building self esteem is about doing something for yourself because you’re worth it and therefore deserve it.People who have a low self esteem are generally unhappy. They believe that they are victims. And because they think they are victims they expect bad things to happen to them which unfortunately do happen.

  38. Mithun9:24 AM

    Building self esteem is about nurturing yourself and feeling good about yourself. You don’t have to wait for someone to tell you something good. Start giving yourself love. Start telling yourself the things you’ve always wanted to hear. Start treating yourself in the way you want to be treated, because that’s
    exactly what building self esteem is about.

  39. Anonymous3:58 PM

    when you focus on the negative things in life, you find them. You have to think about what you have, and the positive things in life. Alcohol makes you feel better only for the short term, then it drags you down since it is a depressant. Avoiding problems never works. You need to confront them, conquer them, then move on. You will always be faced with problems in life no matter what age you are. You may just be in a slump, which happens to me as well. When this happens, I turn to something that interests me to help me regain my focus and keep a positive outlook in life. What interests you? As far as school, I didn't do well in high school and didn't see the point at the time. When I got out, I realized there are many more options for you in life when you are educated, and have a degree.

  40. EARN HOW TO BE CONFIDENT ~ When it comes to dating, confidence is the underlying biggest ‘turn-on’ for people. There is no denying that confidence is sexy and people are attracted to it.Not only that, but it will also help you ask for a date. But there is good news for those who lack confidence - Confidence is a skill people learn. It is not part of the gene pool, so no one is born with it.

  41. Vidya9:58 AM

    Try that in life, when you get something done just right, take satisfaction, focus on the good things and file the rest in the rubbish bin and delete it.

  42. Aamod9:59 AM

    A lot of our self-image is based on interactions we have with other people and our life experiences. This mental picture (our self-image) contributes to our self-esteem.

  43. Soumya10:00 AM

    Self-esteem means to be believe in yourself and at times when met with difficult situations, one can get through it.

  44. Sukanya9:00 AM

    Don't let you low self esteem eat at you. It can rule your life and everything you do, and it's not fun.....try to be more confident. Eventually that will come naturally.

  45. Aravind9:42 AM

    Try being more social. Smile at people. Soon enough you will move out and leave this behind.

  46. Remember that your worst critic is yourself.
    To improve your self confidence, try focusing on the things you like about your appearance and not on the things you don't. Also, stop comparing yourself to other girls, because that only breeds insecurity.

  47. Bhavana8:45 AM

    Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. A person who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more.

  48. Ramadev9:26 AM

    If you look a little insecure, people will probably find you less exciting. Luckily there are ways to improve your self confidence!

  49. Mataji9:36 AM

    Learning to love yourself – how often do we set aside an hour to actually spend time with ourselves? By allocating time to stretch, focus and simply be, we are affirming our own self worth, and increasing vitality.

  50. Indira8:48 AM

    Be firm -- not defensive or overly apologetic -- and polite. This gives the signal that you are sympathetic, but will not easily change your mind if pressured.

  51. Champa9:42 AM

    Regular exercise is a fundamental part of any relaxation program. It can lower anxiety, fend off depression and help increase a person's self-esteem. Try walking for 15 to 20 minutes a day.

  52. Anonymous10:05 AM

    Examples of self-beliefs that constitute self esteem/ self confidence:

    - I am an excellent writer
    - I am a good human being
    - I am great at explaining concepts to others

  53. Niladri10:13 AM

    you are who you are.
    if other people don't like it, F them.
    take pride in who you are. believe you are the most awesome person ever, because you are.

  54. who cares what anyone thinks
    be yourself
    dress how you like it
    do your makeup or dont, it doesnt matter! whatever makes you feel better is important:)
    do things that you actually enjoy
    and spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself!!
    have good posture
    know that this will NOT matter in 50 years!!
    smile more
    stop saying sorry
    make eye contact
    talk louder
    dont mumble
    laugh at yourself
    surround yourself with love
    repeat to yourself in the mirror 'i am good enough. i am confident. i am beautiful. i am worthy' 5 times twice a day


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