Am I helping people too much?

Vanita asks:

I am a 24 year old working woman. My problem is that I am far too kind! I am always trying to help the needy. All my colleagues, of both sexes, bring their problems to me and I help them as much as I can. I enjoy this.

Occasionally, I get the impression that people do not appreciate my help and that they don't really care about me. Then I feel bad and also angry. But then, in a few days, I go back to my old ways.

Is something wrong with me? Please advise.

Response:

Ask yourself why you are helpful

The answer to your question lies in why you are friendly and helpful.

If it is just that you enjoy helping people and that you are, as you say, a kind person, it is very good. The world has very few people of this sort and your friends are lucky.

But your anger and resentment seem to indicate that the matter is not as simple as that.

Your behaviour could mean that you suffer from a sense of inferiority and that you are trying to win the affection, appreciation and regard of people by being kind and helpful.

Trying to be validated in this manner is not healthy.

Don’t help people who do not appreciate you or take advantage of you.

It is strange but true that, in this world, things got free are not appreciated much. And this goes also for people who go out of their way to be helpful.

It is fine to be helpful and kind to very good friends who understand and appreciate you, but being kind to all and sundry only makes people think that you don't have anything better to do.

They then tend to take advantage of you.

Being helpful is good and you should not change this good quality that you have.

But avoid being over-kind to unappreciative people who take advantage of you and then ignore you when they have nothing more to gain from you.

Learn to value your own schedule and plans and don’t go out of your way to help others.

If you feel unhappy and resentful while helping people, don’t do it. Also don’t help people because it makes you feel or look like a “good” person. It’s as simple as that!

Do not go out of your way to help people, especially the unappreciative and exploitative kinds. Learn to have boundaries. Don't be a people pleaser.

Get busy and develop better self-esteem

Develop a constructive hobby. Read and spend time in improving your qualifications and skills. This will keep you busy and prevent unnecessary brooding. (Also read Spice up your boring life.)

Of course, this does not mean that you should become selfish and self-centered. You can be kind and nice and have boundaries. Learn to value yourself and do not try to please others by helping them.

Learn to hold your own and develop better self-esteem. Also read Test your level of self-esteem.

To conclude, don't be a people pleaser ever!

Comments

Highly Effective Indian Home remedies For Delayed Periods

Delayed periods or Irregular menstrual periods have become very common these days for a lot of women in their reproductive age and they suffer great agonies when their period does not come on time. A delay of 4-5 days may be fine but if it exceeds 8 days, then it's certainly a cause for concern. In this post, I'll be sharing highly effective Indian home remedies for your delayed periods . I'd been a long sufferer of irregular periods during my teenage to early twenties. I've tried most of the recipes here, along with Kapalabhati pranayama, yoga poses, mudras and other lifestyle habits. Now my periods are extremely regular like clockwork; not a day less or more than 28. When I look back, I'm surprised how I managed those years of anxiety and fear about my late periods.

Pore shrinking mask recipes from home

A face with large open pores when seen from close quarters doesn’t look so good. While it’s quite common for oily skins to have a tendency towards open pores, an attack of pimples also leaves ugly scars and open pores behind. Even though the scars may fade away after some time, open pores appear to be more obstinate and hardly show any signs of shrinking. Age also takes its toll by giving an uneven/pigmented tone to the skin and making the open pores more prominent. Heredity could also be a contributing factor in determining your pore size. It’s not easy to get rid of these pores or shrink them completely or permanently using serums, lotions or face packs. Even resorting to drastic chemical/surgical procedures at the dermatologist’s isn’t quite capable of giving satisfactory results. Nevertheless, you can try and minimize their appearance at least temporarily with clever makeup and a few natural skin care masks such as these: * Cleanse your face with a mild ...

Home remedies for sleeplessness

The day dawns beautifully for those who have had a night of good sleep. But the same day drags on for those who have spent a disturbing, sleepless night. Sleep is a biological necessity even as eating and drinking are. Sufficient sleep renders a person normally sociable, lively and high-spirited. It’s a nature’s way of rejuvenating the person for the next day. Realize all this, and make sleep a physiological habit. The consequences of long time sleep deprivation can be very grave. Lack of sleep takes its toll on the skin and hair. It causes acne-breakouts and makes one look aged and haggard beyond years. Experts opine that during sleep as our metabolic rate falls, blood goes to those areas which need the most repairing. This also steps up the production of collagen and keratin, which aid the regeneration of skin cells and help resist premature ageing. So for a younger looking and a problem free skin you need to have a good quality of sleep every night.

Aspirin for acne-prone skin

Aspirin has been around for a long time and its health benefits are wide and varied. Aspirin , or acetylsalicylic acid is a salicylate drug, often used as an analgesic to relieve minor aches and pains , as an antipyretic to reduce fever , and as an anti-inflammatory medication. Aspirin's greatest benefit is reducing cardiovascular events including heart attacks and strokes. According to the American Heart Assoc. virtually all women are at risk of heart disease and doctors should more strongly consider prescribing a daily aspirin for their female patients. There is growing evidence to suggest regular aspirin use may reduce cancer and dementia as well. Investigators from the Women's Health Study have reported important new findings demonstrating that aspirin reduces the risk of a first stroke in women. When given to someone immediately after a heart attack, aspirin decreases death by 25%.

Kapalabhati Pranayam for wrinkle-free, radiant complexion

Did you know that Kapalabhati Pranayam / kriya can also be used to enhance your beauty and ward off skin aging? Done the right way, Kapalabhati Pranayam can be used as a beauty aid - it can give you a wrinkle-free, luminous forehead and radiant complexion. Kapalabhati For Beauty ‘Kapalabhati’ Pranayam breathing exercise is an excellent way of maintaining good health and fighting diseases. ‘Kapala’ means ‘skull’ (and ‘forehead’ also) and ‘bhati’ means ‘shining’. By doing kapalabhati, the ‘nadis’(nerves) of the brain get good exercise. This is achieved by exercising the diaphragm. There will be a glow on the forehead. After the age of 25, the tell-tale signs of ageing start making their appearance in the form of fine lines on the forehead. A regular practice of Kapalabhati for 10-15 minutes everyday will give you a tight forehead sans wrinkles for many years to come. Avoid Botox, try Kapalabhati Why resort to Botox and other expensive chemical or surgica...